apparently, it looks like the motel 6 to all woodland creatures.
remember when the bird got in that one time? and then there was the other bird. and oh, don't forget the squirrel! well, today we came home from church to find another bird in our house.
i mean, seriously.... animals of allen park.... it's getting a little ridiculous. we do not want to adopt you. you are not welcome to poop in my living room, on my couch, in my kid's rooms, or on my dresser. you really need to find a nice tree and build a stinkin' nest already! i realize it's winter and the warmth of a people house may be alluring. this does not mean that you can forego an invitation. you may not simply wander into my home. you are an uninvited intruder. and if you come into my home, you may end up like your unfortunate little friend.
so, today marked the end of prayer week at church. that means we have combined sunday school, then morning service, a church-wide lunch, and a praise service. the whole day is something i have always enjoyed and looked forward to. for some reason, meggie woke up WICKED early today. since she is still getting over her cold and b/c of that, i had planned to bring her home to nap while the boys stayed at the praise service. well, for reasons i can only deem providential, the boys decided to come with us. we walked in and the kids threw coats and shoes every which-a-way, but something caught my attention. there was a small puddle of something spilled on my table.
"hey, what is that?" at first, nathan said he wasn't sure, but then he guessed that he must have spilled coffee creamer when he was getting his coffee ready to go.
"no. that's not creamer. man, what could that be?" *here's where i'll add my 20/20 hindsight. in the past, when birds have gotten into the house, i've noticed it immediately b/c the droppings were obvious and everywhere.... also, the picture frames were knocked over from where he was trying to sit on the shelves. but this time the frames were untouched and that was the only mess i could see from where i was standing. so it took me a second to really put together what was going on.* so nathan went to get a paper towel to clean it up and he said, "sure it's creamer. and look... here's where i dropped some more. boom, boom, boom... man, i dripped it everywhere."
"babe, that's not creamer.... IT'S BIRD POOP! and i just heard something in meg's room. um.... ok, kids out of the house."
and of course, connor was already out of his shoes and had picked up his hockey stick and was knocking his practice ball around. just as i was about to grab him and carry him out, the stupid bird flew toward us. connor FREAKED. he was so genuinely petrified. *side note: uncle mike, if you scare him about birds again i WILL be sending a clown to your house.* in that moment of panic and running we managed to get the kids out into the car and snagged connor's coat and shoes on the way. he was crying, meg was crying, i was wanting to cry thinking about cleaning up bird poop again.
while i was getting the kids settled down, nathan had trapped the bird in connor's room. so we started to formulate a plan. at first, he suggested just bludgeoning it. all i could imagine was, "oh, goodie. add bird blood and guts to my clean up list." i *ahem* gently suggested an alternative. yeah, right, i probably said, "well, that's moronic. i don't want to clean up blood, too!" truthfully, i don't recall. i am sure i was bossy b/c normally, i'm home alone when woodland creatures take up residence in our humble abode. it was nice to be on the outside while someone else fought the winged beast. but naturally, when you do this three times you kind of get the hang of it. i'm sure my ideas weren't coming out with all the love and submission a wife should muster. forgive me, dear.
regardless of how we got there.....we got there. we had a plan! we decided to shut the doors of meg's room and the bathroom, hang a sheet in front of the stairway to our bedroom, and tape a sheet to the ceiling cutting off entry to the dining area and kitchen. leaving a straight shot to the propped open front door. with all the sunlight blazing today surely the bird would note the opening and flutter safely back to it's natural habitat. surely? yeah, nothing works "surely" when a bird gets in your house. we got our plan ready. we were so proud. brilliant! patting ourselves on the backs as we taped the sheet up. i went outside to await the moment of the bird's release. it was going to be epic. i could envision it fluttering out the front door. spreading it's wings to freedom. i was glued to the door. i didn't want to miss it. plus, i wanted visual confirmation that the beast had evacuated. nathan went to the hallway, opened the door AND...... nothing. the stupid thing had gotten caught behind some books on connor's shelf. well, we thought it was caught. nathan tried to coax it out. he tried to scare it out. nothing.
by that time i was freezing and i got in the car with the kids. on to plan b. kill that sucker. i had a time frame of 20 minutes in mind before i suggested getting a bb gun or calling animal control. i was being gracious with 20. it should have been 5. dude, if you don't want freedom, then you're dinner! well, not for me. ew. next thing i know, nathan is out in the car grabbing a pair of surgical gloves he had from work. i don't know exactly what happened in the next five minutes, but i can tell you this. it involved a hockey stick, a trash bag, and a dark dark corner of connor's bookshelf. i fear buzz lightyear may never be the same after what he saw today.
frankly, i don't care what went on in there. all i know is, the bird isn't in my house anymore and it's a LOT easier to clean and disinfect the entire house when two people do it together! :)
oh, and if you're wondering.... the kids got to have a special nap/movie time upstairs in our bed while we cleaned and disinfected every square inch of the house. yeah, they never did fall asleep.
and now, i have to go prepare for the nightmares that will be inevitable this evening.
No comments:
Post a Comment