diet? no live it!

wasn't that one of richard simmons themes? i recently decided that i HATE the word diet. not so much that i've begun sweatin' to the oldies though. i've been trying something new in a seemingly impossible attempt to reach a pre-connor goal weight/shape....if that's ever gonna be possible again....can i get an amen from all the mommy's?? i really do like this new system i've stumbled upon....thanks to brenda and her sidebar links. for me, i just wanted a better way to eat healthy. my old system wasn't working. when i was in high school i could eat anything. we ate spaghetti like crazy, pizza at least twice a week, tons of doritos, twinkies....anything. my sister and i were just talking about the way we ate in high school and i must say....we both were gagging at the thought of what we could consume. we were both in sports though, and teen metabolism is a wonderful thing.

so now, married, out of college, no more sports, after baby. i never excercised in college. i worked in the gym and i RARELY excercised. i would talk with friends (flirt with nathan!), chat with all the soon-to-be-married girls frantically running on the treadmill--they were always the super skinny ones anyway! i for some reason found it more exciting to read and study rather than use that time to form good exercise habits.....what a dope! i was in the gym EVERY NIGHT! so now, i hate to exercise and i still want to eat like i'm 16 again. in the words of arthur spooner, "quite a volatile mix!"

so i signed up for this spark people and i really do like it. i've been able to track my eating patterns and attempt to form new ones. i've been drinking water like a fish and doing regular exercise; eating a balanced diet and substituting healthy snacks when i get the munchies.

BUT YESTERDAY.....

i had the bright idea to suggest kfc for lunch after church. cheap, fast, and i wouldn't have to cook. someone shoot me the next time my lips seem to be forming the letters K F C. i had just read in my real simple about healthier choices when you hit the fast food....yeah, we all know it's not healthy, but we are all realists here and we know that everybody eats fast food sometimes. so i picked something that i thought would suffice. after lunch i went to the computer and added up my calories like a good little dieter......WHAT???? AND HOW MUCH FAT!!!???? i went into a panic. i have to go exercise! i have been doing so good at keeping everything (calories, carbs, fat, protein) in a healthy range and now this. oh, great. all i can afford to eat for dinner is some celery and peanut butter. FOR THE LOVE! needless to say, i was distraught when nathan said he wanted spaghetti for dinner. as i was getting it ready all i could do was look longingly into the pot and say, "hello, dear friend. you smell delightful. no, i won't be enjoying you this evening. b/c i'm the idiot that suggested kfc. yeah, we've had some good times. remember when my dad piled you high on my plate in florida. i thought i'd have to be rolled out of the condo. good times. good times."

so i sluggishly gave nathan his plate and went upstairs to hit the gazelle for 20 minutes. while i was working out, i noticed a very irritating trend. commercials come in three waves. first, the restaurant commercials plays. this gets you totally jazzed for food...unless you're already STARVING and then you just get ticked. next, they play the weight loss commercial...sometimes disguised within an actual food commercial like the subway commercials. or as i now refer to them, the "ted bundy" commercials. "sure, you'll lose weight....IF YOU BUY OUR FOOD!" that just made me question my reasoning behind my new healthy eating habits. am i just trying to conform into the mold society has created called "beauty"? why am i really doing this? hmmm....way too much introspection....bring on the cake!! no, no...stick to your guns, girl. just ignore the skinny lady in the super huge pants. those weren't really hers anyway. they belonged to her siamese sisters. and finally, they play a "real women" commercial. just to make us feel good they show some normal sized people that are "ok with themselves". i almost threw the remote at that point. i'm sure it was partially b/c i was hungry. but i know i was finally thinking clearly. the media is so screwy. they send out so many mixed messages. then i just went to bed. i figured the faster i could fall asleep, the faster i could wake up and eat brefix. i should have just grabbed a handful of pretzels. then my stomach wouldn't have been hurting, and i wouldn't have been dreaming of fried chicken doing synchronized swimming in a pool of mashed potatoes and gravy. :)

and yes, today i managed to balance my meals out MUCH better. i felt like a moron, but a healthy moron. and not so crabby.