bummed--hopeful--frustrated--resting

that little path was me from last night to this morning. our car won't start again. we thought it needed a new battery b/c it had previously sat for over 7 months when we didn't have the money to fix it. i am reminded that even then, we had more cars loaned to us than we had space to house. for real.... at one point we had 5 cars available to us. THAT'S INSANE. there's no way that could have been orchestrated unless by the hand of our sovereign God.

so last night, it started chugging when nathan got home from church. he seriously has some important --- and far away-- things to take care of this week as far as work goes, so we ran out to wal-mart at 9:30p to pick up a new battery. we were sure that would do it. not so much.

bummed.

so, last night i asked some friends-- all my facebook friends :)-- to pray that the stupid thing would start this morning. i know that lots of them brought our car before the Throne of Grace. sounds so stupid. but it's a need.... right? i guess i struggle with the legitimacy of praying for a car when so many people need Christ, or when so many of our friends are struggling with health issues, or when people need jobs.... obviously this list could go on forever. but still, i think it's a need-- of our modern life-- and i asked. again and again. and again. one more time. i seriously woke up ready to run outside and try it out. the self-healing car. i was convinced.

hopeful.

i didn't run outside and try it right away, but i reeeeeaaaaally wanted to. i was sure it was going to start right up. why not? i asked God to do that. i know He CAN. and i know He HAS. so, i waited for nathan to get ready for his first meeting of the day. he went outside and tried to start the car. no soup.

frustrated.

why does this sort of thing frustrate me? b/c we don't have the money for a new car? b/c we don't have the money for the complete overhaul this one needs? b/c i really really really thought it would start right up? i don't know. well, i guess i DO know. it's b/c i am a sinner. i want what i want. i don't want to wait. i don't want to trust. HOW DARE ME? after all i've seen God do. we have a home. we have clothes... WAY more than we need. we have food. and yet, i continue to let my overly pampered lifestyle squelch my trust in God. as if i deserve any of what i have to begin with.....seriously!

resting.

get the focus off of YOU, christina. your troubles, your struggles, your "needs"-- so you think. there are so many people that have genuine needs. how can i be used to meet one of those today? God is not unaware of our hunk of metal and plastic. our needs have always been met. maybe what i thought was a need....really wasn't. and so, i wait. i wait for nathan to get back from his first meeting... for which he was able to snag a ride. coincidence? i think not. i wait to see how God will arrange rides, bring solutions, and teach me to rest in Him...even for these small things.

i guess it's all your perspective. you're in the heat of the battle. it may be a battle that measures only 5 feet wide, but somehow we can't seem to see past that 5 foot circle that engulfs us. until meg was about a year and a half old she had a horrid time sleeping through the night. i tried everything. i was convinced she was never going to sleep again. but now she does. i couldn't see the end though. it's like that with everything, i guess. it's hard to see past the immediate. and yet, as a believer, we're told to live for things we can't see. to lift up our heads past this present battle and seek our future with God. our FOREVER future. makes it all seem insignificant. but i know that even the insignificant things can be used to mold us.

i'm not going to stop praying that we will find a solution for this little inconvenience. but my perspective needs to be different.